Sara @ Moonrize

I got a call the other day from my TiTi. I wasnt there to hear the call….but I got the voice mail, which rocks.

As I’ve said before, my TiTi isnt my Aunt (TiTi is a variation of Tia - Spanish for Aunt), she’s my father’s first wife, but she loves me like a daughter. I’ve never once doubted that. Even when I was little and would go to her house, there would be a picture of me hung up in her living room – my own mom never had that!

I wish I had audio of her voice mail’s because she’s awesome. She asks your voice mail a question and then pauses. Giving you time to answer. “Hi Mihija!  I was calling to see how you are? {5 second pause} And how is Gary? {5 second pause}”  That stuff is GOLD. I love it.

Its hard to be this far away from loved ones…and this summer I will be going home.  Even if I have to hitch hike! However, if I weren’t this far away, I probably wouldn’t get those voice mails.

I was discussing blogs with my friend Jen the other day. She always seems to have fun and interesting things to say. She never seems to flounder, as I do, with no real POINT. While I return and read my own blogs, i’m struck by a theme. Yes, i’m grateful. Yes, I love my husband and family. Yes, I love my friends. yada yada yada. Don’t get me wrong – these are all true statements. However, i’m a MUCH deeper person than that (said in the teen angst fashion) and capable of expressing that, I think.

This last year, after spending my twenty’s and early part of my thirty’s as a bookkeeper and cost accountant… I’ve made a huge decision to change careers. I have completed a CNA course that will, ideally, keep me employed while I continue on with my BSN. This from a woman who – up until a few months ago – couldn’t watch herself get a shot.

My thought process on this was rather bullet point – ish and really evolved as I learned more.

1st – Accounting is a stable profession. Similar to teaching. Or teaching accounting. What this translates into during our economic downturn is that everyone who was laid off from what they really wanted to do, were using their accounting / book keeping skills. That made it a very hard time to be a book keeper with no 4 year degree or CPA.

2nd – I ENJOY people, I really do. While I also enjoy numbers, with my last job I was able to help people! Sometimes that help came in the form of accomplishing tasks for people, sometimes holding tissues while a 6th grader had a bloody nose from HELL, or just being the shoulder to cry on…but I was HELPING. It felt really good to each day – no matter how crappy that day was – to be able to see small markers of where me being involved HELPED. Not that anyone was involved…but that I was. That my skills / feelings / person made a difference.  No matter how awesome and accurate you make that excel spreadsheet – no matter how much your graphs “pop” (and believe you me, mine POP) I never went home feeling like I made someone feel better when I was a cost accountant.

3rd – I was able to take advantage of some Obama dollars (up to $2500) for some initial training. That would get me through the CNA courses while I decided where to go from there.

It was while in my CNA courses that I settled on Nursing. This wasn’t an easy call – as I’ve discovered that all my math and science credits expired 7 years after I took them. This means that i’m back in a lot of classes i’ve not only paid for already but I worked hard in them ONCE and now I’ll have to do it again. In addition to the classes, i’m also now back in school. Back in school where I am one of the oldest (if not THE oldest) person in my classes and i’m usually the FATTEST too!

I’ve never been shy, really. I’ve never had problems communicating with people or connecting to people…but this was different.  As you grow older, as you have experiences, your taught that all these things move you in a forward motion.  No one is naive enough to believe it will be a straight line…but forward moving none the less.  Going back to school at 32, with 18 year olds, is not a forward moving motion, people.  Unless…what if it is?  What if life is really about making yourself happy? What if the forward moving motion in life is about learning rather than finishing? I don’t just mean learning in school, though that certainly something, but what if its learning about yourself? If I can grasp that concept…then I can realize that i’m always changing and I sure know my environment is always changing…so maybe what i’m doing isn’t backward.  Or if it is…maybe I don’t care?

Sometimes I loose that concept in my mind…and walking into a new class with kids who aren’t sure if i’m the instructor or the student never gets easier…but i’m doing it.  I’ve finished my CNA-1 course and i’m moving on to CNA-2 while continuing to get my pre-req’s for nursing done (AGAIN).  I’m going to keep going…and i’ll be old by the time I get a nursing job.  However, I’ll be old anyway.  I know that i’d rather be old and enjoying going to work, feeling that because of me someones life is better, than be old and dragging my ass into work…just waiting until I can retire.

I doubt my path regularly but in hindsight, I have always done that.  The difference is that this time, i’m doing something about it.

xo,

Snuggies are pretty cool. I’m not making one for me…but I have made three now for other people. I understand how they can be pretty cool. Keep the blanket on while you’re drinking your hot coco….alright Mr. Snuggie. You got me.

~S

So, the family tree goes like this:

Maria Tapia (hens-forth referred to as TiTi) Was married to a man in Costa Rica (Silvio Tapia) and she gave birth to Maritza and Silvia Tapia. Silvio died and TiTi moved to LA. In the city of angels, she met Louis Downing-Abad. When she met Louie, she was pregnant with William Jimenez. Louie and TiTi had Louis Jr Abad, David Abad and Mike Abad (twins).

In the same city – about the same time – Jane Raymond was married to Hussein Hossenzadeh and giving birth to Erik Corey Hossenzadeh and Della Hossenzadeh. They split shortly after.

Titi and Louie split and Louie and Jane got married.

They had Daniel Downing (by this time, Louie had stopped using the Abad on his name) and Sara Downing. They split shortly after that.

10 years later, Jane adapted David Downing (same last name as her son and daughter but no relation). She then, three years later, adopted Kelly Hewitt.

The family tree – in order of birth goes:

Maritza Tapia
Silvia Tapia
William Jimenez
Louie (jr) Abad
Corey Hossenzadeh
David Abad (twin)
Mike Abad (twin)
Della Hossenzadeh-Caldwell
David Downing
Daniel Downing
Kelly Hewitt
Sara Downing-Kee

I have 2 step sisters, 1 step brother, 4 half brothers, 1 full bio brother, 1 half sister and 2 adopted brothers.

Here’s the reason I had to type out the family tree. Recently I have “found” (on facebook anyway – we never physically lost each other) my oldest sister Maritza. She lives in San Diego and we dont get to see each other a lot. Neither one of us is very good on the phone and we dont talk a lot. However, I ADORE her and I love her so much. I have a billion memories of her growing up…my motorcycle riding, leather wearing, big sister.

There isnt much my family got right growing up (with the exception of Titi, that is). No one stayed married to ANYONE. No one stayed sober or out of jail very much. None of the adults could handle us kids – to be fair, there were a lot of us. Having said that….there were some things that we DID get right – one of them is that your family is decided by your heart and not your bloodline. I dont know if that came from us kids…knowing that maybe the only thing we could count on was each other? Or maybe the adults gave us that – and maybe they gave us that because they were self aware enough to know we could count on each other more than them?

Either way – I love my big sister. I love that I get to see what she’s doing daily now. I love feeling her “hugs” via Facebook and knowing that we may not share blood, but she’s my sister through and through.

Love you Maritza!

Do you ever…Hold a little life in your arms and realize how lucky you are to do so?

Do you ever…Hug those family and friends you love and feel special ’cause they love you?

Do you ever…Get so mad at your husband for something that seems silly 10 minutes later when you are over it?

Do you ever…Cry a little when your friend loses HIS best friend who happens to be a dog?

Do you ever…Wonder if you took two people whom you adore and name your twins after them (assuming you had twins) but they had gotten a “d-word” if they would both come to the babies dedication?

Do you ever…Read your friends blog and are amazed at what a talented woman she is? Not to mention how much you love her pictures?

Do you ever…Feel your dog lick your toe and not really mind that much?

Do you ever…Wake up in the morning and kiss your husband without thought and never once think he’d rather you didn’t ’cause of your morning breath?

Do you ever…Drive 300 miles to cuddle a baby you love?

If you do…then you’ve lived my life today. And if you do…then we have a good life.

I always feel like Christmas is the end of the year. I feel like making my resolutions now (as I eat chocolate and contemplate a pizza for lunch! lol) and starting to move forward. Maybe I just feel like that because I want to get a jump on the rest of the world.

This year, let me tell you, has been HARD. Really really hard. I started to make a Christmas letter and decided that it would send people (or maybe just me) into depression. December last year I was in the middle of “operation save the school”. This was a LOT of hard work but at least there were things to DO. I was able to try and help rather than sit and watch it crumble – that came later. However, I was also in the middle of “operation loose my best friend”. That sucked – bad. I cried and cried and cried for MONTHS about that. Thank god I had Cari sue and Jennifer Sharp to help me through it. And I had my wonderful husband. In hind sight…it was good. We needed to break those ties to some people who maybe didn’t bring out the best in us? It also MADE Gary and I rely on each other more and we are closer for it. It also made me examine my relationship with God and my beliefs. It really shook me, this break and the reasons for it, and now i’m sure of where I stand and who I am. And if I ever feel that i’m not sure….I drop to my knee’s and talk it out.

March was the death of my brother in law. I wasn’t really close to him but he was my nephews father and my heart broke for him. Gary and I went to Montana which started the real hard push for my mom to move out to the pacific northwest. She just couldn’t continue to live out there with no kids near her. She was not capable of making and implementing this decision on her own so I knew I was looking at a lot of work but felt up to the task.

Spring brought the final nails in the coffin that was Heritage Christian School. Its a funny thing to watch (and by funny, I don’t mean Ha ha) people being put in an insecure place. I like to think that I am a good observer. During the HCS stuff, I was a worker…but an observer more. I got to observe the dynamic between the teachers / parents / students and Board of Trustee’s. I was able to help a bit, I think, and that felt good but more than that, I was able to learn. I learned a lot about the nature of people this last year and not necessarily in a bad way. Some people have this amazing grace and trust that the Lord will guide them and take care of them – in the middle of all this madness we call every day life. Some people get angry and / or negative to everything. They become unable to see the small blessings. Its almost as if they become paralyzed with the fear and just find themselves unable to move around it. Some people are very good at self protection (using humor and or tears to work though whatever life is handing them) and some are not as good at “rollin’ with the homies” (that one’s for you, Britney. RIP). I hope that I was able to learn and implement what I liked from that situation – and turns out God knew i’d have a tough year and let me learn this lesson before things got really bad.

In June HCS closed but the BOT needed me to stay. This was hard. To walk into a building each day that was basically a graveyard of hopes and dreams. At this point, I was being paid again – an hourly wage – but still didn’t have the previous month and a half of wages. This took a lot of faith because I never knew if I was going to get paid for that week. Plus, it was hurtful because a lot of people who I consider friends hadn’t received anything. In addition, I had to try to justify to my husband the fact that I was still working for someone whom owed me 6 weeks pay. Personally, I felt that there were somethings that needed to be done and wouldn’t get done if I didn’t stay. Once those were done, I left and started the unemployment fun! The silver lining of this part of life was that I’ve discovered what I want to do with my life – nursing – and it would have never been something I would have picked. That was discovered from a lot of prayer, having a lot of time on my hands, and my work at HCS. So now I have a goal and a focus and a belief that its right. That feels good.

The summer had lots of fun and hard work. Moving my mom out, the final champoeg, road trips with my sissy. Road trips with the nieces and my husband. Let me tell you, this was one of the best summers ever. Wow, funny, I forgot that. it was so crazy, I forgot how FUN it was. We really did have a great summer.

October was the “incident” that tore my bio family (mom’s side) apart and changed my life forever. I’m trusting in the Lord to help recover this daily. The positives in this incident were – 1.) My husband. wow. he loves me SO much. 2.) My friends. They are good friends that i’m so lucky to have. 3.) God’s grace. I could have had quite a different outcome and I’ve been carried through hell in the arms of God. I truly understand what it is to thank God for every day.

October was also the start of school. A lot of new things… strengths I didn’t know I had and strengths I thought I had that had gone missing! What a learning curve. And what FUN. I love school…i love what i’m studying and I love the anticipation of a wonderful carer.

November and December have been a decision to TOTALLY CHANGE OUR LIFE. But for the good of family, so that’s okay. Highly stressful, but worth it in the end. I think it might also be bringing the healing needed – on my part anyway – to have a relationship with my mom.

so…in summary – thank GOD 2009 is over, bring on 2010. which, btw, I will say in the TWENTY TEN fashion. This year will be a year of constant change, i’m sure. I will continue with school and learning. Plus remodeling a house. Plus moving. Plus loving on and caring for a sick parent. Plus maybe getting a job again. Plus the ever present losing weight and possibly doing the 1/2 iron. Plus being a good friend. Plus being a good sister. Plus being a good wife. Plus finding ways to show my husband how much I love him and how grateful I am for him. Plus growing in my relationship to my God. Plus giving more to others. Plus communicating with those I love who are far away. Plus loving my dog. Plus taking more pictures. Plus washing my face more.

Okay, I need a nap.

Dear Craigslist,

Please up date your “best of” section. Some of us are out of school and need some random wittiness to click upon in between frantic sessions of baking cookies.

Also, please add a section just for cute pictures of Chihuahua’s.

Thanks so much,
S

Gary’s dad is not well.  He is going into renal failure (will most likely be on dialysis in the next 6-12 months). His mom is in her late 60’s and is still working with no real viable plan to stop working.  We have recognized that we will have to supplement their income (and have been prepared to do so for several years) but with our own debt, its not a very good idea to run two houses.  Our house has stairs, and they may not always be a good option for Dad.  So….we have made a decision to buy their house and combine households.

This is not a bad thing for us, as they have a much larger lot (though much smaller house) and there are more options for building extensions and such there.   Plus, our mortgage payment will be much smaller so we will be able to save and do the extensions with cash – which is huge. Until those extensions are done though, we will have 4 people in 1000 square feet of room.  That’s a little scary.

The decision came when we made a list of pro’s and con’s. It went something like this:

Pro – Mom can retire and look after Dad.

Pro – We can stay on top of Dad’s appointments and ADL’s – helping where needed.
Pro – We will owe way less on the 7th ave house than the Albertine house (saving money each month for repairs and add-ons).
Pro – We will be debt free (other than the house payment).
Pro – The parents might be able to relax and enjoy their final years.

Pro – The house has been in Gary’s family for decades and this is the only way to keep it.

Pro – There are a lot of options with the lot (unlike the Albertine street house).

Con – They smoke in the house and think we wont know.
Pro – They’ve promised not to do that once we start painting and cleaning.

Con – They will probably still do it when we are gone.

Con – It is an OLD house and we will have a lot of work to do.

Pro – We like doing that work.

Pro – We will have money to do it (debt free!).

CON – Until we convert the garage into a master suite (probably take a year at least) we will have 4 adults living in 1000 square feet of house!

PRO – We will be family, taking care of family.  That’s the way it should be. I love them so much and I want them to be able to count on us.

Con – When we have family in town (or friends) we wont have a place for them to stay for a while. This is a pretty big one for us.  Luckily we know about pricelining hotels but still….makes us sad. Having family and friends over is a huge thing for us. We love it.

Pro – Mom loves the dog. She calls Tiqi her Granddaughter.

Pro – We will be forced to “de-junk”. No one likes a horder.

After making the list, we saw that this is really the best option for us. We are anticipating moving in April – possibly May.  When we bought this house – the Albertine street one – we thought we were going to have a gaggle of kids and that doesn’t seem to be in the cards.  And really, we didn’t know enough about house shopping.  We were so excited that we qualified that we pretty much just ran with it.  I also think we were doing some “keeping up with the jones” and we don’t do that anymore.  It seemed most of our friends – our closest anyway – all had kids and were buying big beautiful new houses. So we did that too. It didn’t occur to us that we had a different life path.

If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have bough a new structure on such a small lot. We might not have bought at all. We are different people than we thought we’d be by now – and I’m sure that’s a good thing. I don’t want to be those people….striving for material things that are bigger and better.   I don’t want to be judged on the size of my loft or the manicured back yard. I LIKE who we are now. I like that we are best friends who function as one. I like that our priorities are happiness and family.

I’m scared to let go of freedom.  We are making a commitment to our Parents that will last LOTS of years. And sometimes, people drive each other nuts. This decision has not been entered into lightly…but we both feel that its right.

So, pray for us, okay? a lot! and come to our many pending garage sales. We’ll be selling everything for a quarter!

xo,

Its been awhile since i’ve blogged.  So much has happen that I just dont have a lot of time to go into…i’ll wrap it up in my end of year blog, i’m sure.  Thanksgiving time always has me reflect on the gifts in my life.  Its harder this year than others…I’m dealing with a lot.

In all honesty – whatever other crap is going on – here are the things I know to be true.  And for them, I am extremely lucky and blessed.

1. I have a faith in God and Jesus.  Whatever happens in life….whatever tests or trials I face…I can rely on that faith.  Not everyone has that and I am grateful that I do because sometimes, its all that stops my mind from racing, my heart from beating out of my chest, and allows me to sleep. Sometimes…its more valuable than breathing.

2. I have a husband who would stop short of nothing to make me happy.  I know others THINK they have that, but my husband has proven it.  He has no faith that I am blessed with…but he follows God’s family plan and loves me like God loves the church.  He puts our family and me ahead of anything. He loves his family fiercely and will do anything to protect and provide. He is a man of honor and strength.  He also is a man of humor and kindness.  He makes me laugh and smile like no one i’ve ever met.  Nothing is real until i’ve shared it with him and my day isnt complete until we’ve connected.  I could not imagine my life without him.

3. My friends. wow. I have some amazing friends. Just like every other American, I go about life mostly concerned with myself.  My goal in life, from this point forth, is to be as good a friend as I have in my life.  I have trouble with the term “best friend” because i’ve got so many. I’ve had – particularly this last few months – more life changing trials than ever before.   I, when telling a select few of my trials, had friends offering to fly in from Michigan to support us.  Friends who would drive from Arizona if we needed. Friends and family that had to be physically stopped from packing the car in Medford to drive up for us.  I had friends that would cry with me, spend days listening to me with support, and spend hours on their knees praying for me.  In a time when I am 100% unsure of some of my biological family, I am 100% sure of my emotional family and my dear dear friends. From friends that have known me 2 years, to friends that have known me since 3rd grade…these people solidify my faith in my ability to trust and to love.
4. The family I trust.  You shouldn’t have to specify your family like that, right? To separate them.  Unfortunately, I have to.  I have a lot of biological family – and a good portion of them I trust and love so much.  The others, I love….but I cant trust them, with my family or my heart. I have some amazing brothers and sisters…unfortunately they all live far away. I’ve always grown up with family around me and I am missing them terribly but knowing they love unconditionally from afar is reassuring. Tonight – i’m so grateful for my in laws.  My Mother and Father in law consider me their daughter….with no hesitation.  My brother in-law’s and their kids and wife’s do too.  Its such a gift…and particularly this year…it is my life line. To know that I have a family that will protect my husband and myself – even at expense to themselves if necessary – is proof that I am right to (as the bible says), “leave thy father and mother” and make my husbands family my own.

I have so much to be thankful for – beyond the simple and amazing comforts of life (health, home, clothes, heat, food).  The trials that i’ve seen this year have made that even more true.  Some days, lately, I feel like my heart is breaking from pain…and my head is going to explode with stress.  Times are tight both financially and emotionally.  So when I feel that way, i’m going to come read this blog and remember all the gifts in my life….and i’m going to pray.

I love you guys!

I’ve had a wonderful morning! I woke up late – drank a few cups of coffee (with awesome holiday creamers!! yum!!), read some Mathew (my favorite gospel) and talked to my siblings all morning. I’m so homesick. I’m not so homesick for LA – I think. More I’m homesick for my family! I talked to Mike for an hour….Rock is pregnant again! That will be Mike’s 6th kid!!! Michael just got laid off yesterday… things are tough but he’s so not worried. It sort of humbles me. He said to me, “life’s journey IS the destination, sister”. He is trusting in the Lord.

It kind of amazes me, when you think of the stats. Maritza is laid off, Silvia got laid off (her last day is the 8th), Willie has been out of work for a while (though his wife Lisa is working), Jr. is working – thank God, Michael is laid off, David is working, Corey is working, Dee Dee is laid off, Kelly and David Downing are working, Daniel is laid off and so am I. Out of 12 – only 5 of us are working. If that isn’t a replica of the “current economic climate” I don’t know what is.

Silvia is doing okay for now…and it was nice to talk to her too. They are getting together tomorrow for a BBQ because the 29th was Daniel’s birthday and the 5th is Christian’s. I want to be there!! I want to hang out with my brothers and sisters and joke around and feel love and feel….wanted.

Monday I start school. I’m looking forward to that. I’ve really been off on my diet this week…I need to hop back in. I haven’t been going over my calorie count – except yesterday – but I have been journal-ling. I really can tell a difference when I journal. I also have not been working out as much. I need to make a workout calendar for October. I’m kind of worried about what my workout schedule is going to look like after I am spending time in school. Between working out, studying, and actually going to class…my days are going to be pretty busy. I’m sort of excited about that though…its been a while since I was that busy.

I think we are heading to Cinatopia for Zombieland! That should be fun. And it will be a Sunday so you bet your butt i’m getting popcorn.

And, if i’m going to get any calorie burn in today, I better get on it!
xo,